Even my ups are downs. I am sad to see Jasper because I have to say good-bye. He loves to see me too. He is sad to say good-bye.

Than there are other downs. The scary downs. I am still struggling to be strong. I am still weak. It is very hard.

I want to spend my time on these things:

painting
making a quilt
reading
scouts
friends
family
organizing my home
my new yard sell idea
selling my and buying another
trying to get to Disneyland


That is a lot on my list. I hope going to Disneyland won't be a disaster. I want to fulfill my promise to Jasper and do it while we have the support. I cannot do it alone, like I thought I once could. He needs it. He deserves it. I hope it works out.

I hope he can have a dog. They have started talking about it. That would fulfill his other dream. These are things that I have never been able to give him. I will pray for these things.
I will pray a lot.